it's the peonies.  the peony season.  they are the culprit.  Lately i've been feeling such a strong sense of nostalgia for last year, and the year before.  I remember writing a friend late july and saying one of the things i know i'll miss - seeing the change of seasons, even the little ones throughout summer.  all of a sudden there were no more peonies and pompenella roses and I'd be sad, but then i'd turn around and see God was now onto lavender and sunflowers.  here, flowers still bloom.  all around me.  i just don't have as much time take the time to notice them like i should.  I start to rationalize...  I had so many less distractions over there!  for one, i had a cell phone but i rarely turned it on.  it had snake on it and was the exact same model as my first ever cellular device 12 long years ago.  another thing, i rode my bike everywhere.  now biking is the way to take in the world.  you can't ignore the beauty of your surroundings on a bike.  at least, not at my slow turtle like pace.  the biggest thing - JB worked, at most, four hour days.   it was a dream to me... all of that time together.   Now i've been back for quite a while... and it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks lately.  being busy is exhausting.   particularly when i'm not being mindful of the moment.  and i can't place blame on my iphone, no bike paths at present, or our long work hours... when it comes to time together, i need to focus.  the more i get caught up in answering every email, tweet, fb message, formspring, instagram ... well the social media shame spiral attacks. and it ain't pre-tay.

A couple of times I've shown JB my inbox for a day, he has only ever been horrified.  I get emails on travel, birth control (i'm still not sure why i'm an expert on this!), aspiring planners, life questions, personal emails, and now most are work related.  I want to provide the best service to my clients during work hours. Which made me think - is emailing a response on my phone really serving them?  no.  not in my case, it doesn't work for me.  it just gives me a weird sense of control.  Plus, sending something that says "sent from my iphone" causes me to cringe.  Providing the best possible service to my clients means sitting down at specific times to just answer emails.  So as hard as this is for me, I'm taking mail off of my phone. iGASP.

most importantly - my family (which include my closest friends too).  I want to be mindful when I'm with them.  present.  the kind i felt in basel.  few things mattered but who I was with.  enjoying their company!  truly, it is company to be enjoyed.  and for that i am/was/will be grateful.  i don't want to take my time with loved ones for granted.  i've sort of realized that not every moment must be documented to be enjoyed.  that's a tough one for me.

and a last bit that's pretty random: going along with the theme for this whole post:  

have you ever read "gift from the sea" ?  the author goes away for a while to the beach (a girl after my own heart).  she discovers all of these amazing things about life.  herself.  she's finds contentment.  she feels peaceful.  and though it's been ages since I've read the book... the main gist is that you can keep that contentment alive long after you've left a place of peace.  it doesn't come easy.  you have to be conscious about your decision.  protect it even.

::: winner of the Hattie Sparks giveaway is: megan of pearls & petticoats.  congrats!! :::